I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
