I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
