you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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