There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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