I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is my gift to your gina
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
