everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
