The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
