A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
