So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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