He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
