i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
