He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
