:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
