Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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