i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
