he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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