Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
