can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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