I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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