You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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