Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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