hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
