so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
