I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There was a lot of him and a little penis
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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