@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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