garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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