its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I would ride that face into the sunset
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
