i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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