He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
