I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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