I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
