what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
