I'm so fucking centered right now
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize