Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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