you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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