My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I could make wine with my vomit
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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