you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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