she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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