I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
