when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
