I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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