I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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