So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
