My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
