You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
