Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
