yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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