She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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