Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
