You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
