Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
