Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
