U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
