Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
