i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
