I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
