Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
