just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
