sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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