ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize