How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
