does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
