We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
