I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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