I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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