Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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