you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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