she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
