Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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