The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
