my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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