Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
